Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Weight: 187.6
LOSS TD: 14.4lbs ( actual 10lbs)
MOOD: Rushed and Sad
Symptoms: Ravenous!!!!!! 

All i think about is fat.. how fat i have gotten and what fat can i get away with eating.. What would be good fat and bad fat and all that! If i take just 2 tablespoons of nutella how fat would I get? Is it worth it? Sigh....

I am feeling gross, tired, sad and guessed it.. TOM is here again! I have a special power, no really i do, I can have a 8 day period every 20 days and NOT DIE. Its so wonderful. Just when i get to feeling normal again BHAM! my period is here again. oh well, I only have one ovary,  due to an emergency cyst surgery so I am just happy to have a period at all... let a lone kids. So I am starving for Sugary carbs and grossness. I want the banana bread I made for the kids. I want to put butter on my shrimp. I want a iced latte with full fat milk and hazelnut sugar syrup. But, that is what got me here in the first place. I think this whole 45 days of "detoxing" is just showing you what you really need to eat to be healthy. I eat 4-5oz of protein, that is really a deck of cards and what i should be eating in the first place. Now the consumption of such little fruits and veggies depresses me. And the lack of variety too. Why no kale or cauliflower? Or squash? Hummmmm but we can have all the BULLshit in omni products the surcolose and blah blah blah but cant have another sweetener other than stevia. I am not going to get into logistic because it just makes me crazy. Nutella 

I've upped my protein today I had to take a bus that was 1hr and 45 mins away to get my other car. In order to get my new car i had to leave my old car and then find a way to get the old car. I had a friend say that is what your husband is for. But he is out of town for four months. So that isn't going to work. I thought that is what friends are for and that didn't seem to work. So i said whatever and took the adventure and packed the kids up with snacks and took the FOREVER bus to a far far far far away land. Kids had a goood (ish) time. Considering it only took us 20mins to get back home with our car. HAHAHA! but then it made me think about my real friends. THe real people in my life with real feelings that really want you to be around them. So i called one of those people and she was just overjoyed to want to help us..but sadely we were already on the bus. But those are my people. The ones that are like WHO cares what my schedule is.. of COURSE i will help you. I've just noticed I don't really have those friends in the "part of town" i live in. They are busy in their lives and i am just who i am.. I have no label i want to say right now because I am trying to have better outlooks on life. 

Needless to say. Both cars are where they should be. Home. Like me. And one day, i will love myself enough and have peace in my heard and head and home. 

Supplements: Omni4, Charge, Drops, Nitelite 


B: Strawberries
L: Shrimp (4oz), Handful of blueberries 
D: Sloppy Joes on Flower crackers 

Snack #1 Cucumbers and celery 
Snack #2 More shrimp 


These are my 10day Before and afters. 
 Sticking my stomach out as far as I can. Since i don't ever seem to suck this puppy in. LOL

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